My name is Bethany Tilzey. I have been married for 8 years to my wonderful husband Dennis, who now knows more about birth than he ever wanted to! We have a 4 year old son, a 2 year old daughter, and recently (February 2008) had a home waterbirth with our 3rd child. We live just outside of Gig Harbor, Washington, where being a stay at home mom is allowing me to be a birth doula. Having had a hospital birth and a home birth, I bring a wide variety of experiences to my doula work. Here is a little about how my own births inspired me to pursue a life as a certified birth doula:
I became pregnant in 2002 with my first child. I had determined to have as pain-free a birth as possible. I intended to receive anesthesia as soon as possible in my labor. But in my second trimester, I began researching birth options and came across some disturbing facts surrounding the use of drugs during labor. I searched further, and before too long, I realized that I could not, in good conscience, opt to expose my yet-to-be-born baby to such strong and powerful drugs. I began looking into natural birth techniques and classes and my husband and I chose to attend a Bradley Method of Childbirth series. We learned so much in our twelve intense weeks of classes. We were convinced that due to our diligent practice of relaxation techniques, we would have a calm, nearly painless labor. Needless to say, that is not the way our birth turned out. I had an extremely difficult labor which left me convinced that I would never give birth again, let alone do so unmedicated. I was left with feelings of anger and resentment. I felt my husband had let me down when his role had been to support me. He was devastated that our birth had turned into such a nightmare and felt responsible for my negative experience. Of course, at that time, it had never occurred to us that it makes no sense for a man to coach a “game” he never has, and never will, play!
I became pregnant again a year and a half after my first birth experience.
This pregnancy, we chose to hire a Licensed Midwife to “catch” our baby at home. We also chose to rent a birth tub to labor and possibly give birth in. What a difference this labor was! I was surrounded by people who believed in my ability to give birth. Their confidence rubbed off on me. We were taught some fantastic pain-coping techniques by taking some classes from a local doula, and they worked for me! Different women have different pain-coping needs. For me, relaxation did not work. Distraction was the tool I needed to get through a long labor.
This birth was very difficult and painful, but nothing like my first. My husband, midwife, and doula were there with me from the very beginning. Their support was amazing. My husband was thrilled to have some of the pressure taken off of him. He was taught massage techniques, spoke encouraging words to me, and helped me greatly, due to the instruction given by the midwife and doula. I knew within a week of my daughter's birth that I had to be a doula so I could help other women have good birth experiences like my second. I never wanted anyone to have to endure the type of labor I had with my first.
I was a nursing mother, so I waited until my baby was not exclusively breastfeeding before attending my DONA International Birth Doula Training Course. There, I met a wonderful doula who is my primary backup in case of emergency. I proceed to become a DONA-Certified Birth Doula. My life has dramatically changed since I became a doula! I am on call 24/7 for the women I serve. I strive to nurture and care for each of “my moms” as a woman who has gone before them through childbirth. I don’t consider my doula work a job, rather as a calling, a passion. The women I assist are very important to me. I happily invest hours of time into preparing, communicating, teaching, meeting, and aiding in the births of each of my clients.